Post by kyleroxmysox2010 on Jan 1, 2012 0:05:05 GMT -5
((Oh man I wrote this and I was like "well I shouldn't GLutt without her permission so I'll make it friendship" BUT THEN YOU WERE LIKE "LET'S GLUTT" AND NOW I CAN'T CHANGE IT OH WELL. Enjoy anyways.))
Munny
“But why do you have to go to Aperture?”
Kenny followed his super best friend, Mutt, as he searched the house for his old test subject uniform, which he’d kept as a memento the same way Kitty had kept hers, and Wheatley, and Rick and Craig and Spacey. Then again, Wheatley wasn’t exactly a memento. Not that Mutt would fall in love with a robot (not that he would fall in love with anything, really, the silly asexual). He simply cared about the AI’s he’d met there, primarily GLaDOS and the turrets, since Kitty had all of the male AI’s more than taken care of herself. And something about that made Kenny want to make sure he was still Mutt’s best friend in the whole world. Maybe the fact that he was spending his Christmas there this year, and not in the McCormick household as he always had before. Maybe the fact that he always had turrets tagging along with him nowadays. Maybe the fact that he’d made it through however long he’d been in Aperture, lacking Kenny’s company, with seemingly very little effect.
“Why Aperture?” Kenny repeated, though he was actually helping in the search for the uniform.
“Dude, I promised I’d go this year,” Mutt replied, turning around with an orange jumpsuit in his hands. “Don’t want GLaDOS being too lonely. Besides, Kitty’s going to be there, too, and I want to know how her pregnancy’s going al-“
“Pregnancy?! Whoa is Kitty cheating on Wheatley or did they break up or-“
“Bro...” Mutt rolled his eyes a bit, hating to have to explain this but possessing the oh-so-scarring knowledge besides, “That jizz that comes out the handle? It’s real jizz, I thought you knew that.”
“... PFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Kenny wasn’t in too bad a mood anymore. “AHAHA! AHHHAHAHAAA!” It is Kenny, after all. He couldn’t resist a good folly of sexuality such as Kitty’s case.
Mutt chuckled along with him. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be laughing so hard if you actually had to see it happen once. Or initiate it...” He shuddered. He wished with all his heart he hadn’t pressed that button.
“Dude, okay, I... You need to stop telling me that shit,” Kenny was wheezing with laughter. “One of these days I’m going to just suffocate on laughter or have a heart attack or something and drop dead.”
“Then don’t ask,” Mutt grinned. “Seriously though, dude, I really should go. Besides, I never said you weren’t invited.”
“Whoa wait, I’m invited?” Kenny had missed that somehow, and realizing it now he lit up like a Christmas tree himself.
“Dude! Yes!” Mutt laughed, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I don’t ever want to spend a day without you, let alone a Holiday.”
“But I thought you were Jewish,” Kenny smirked.
“Well, it’s also the fifth day of Hanukkah today,” Mutt retorted with a smirk equal to his.
“Touché. Anyways, of course I’ll come with,” Kenny smiled. He glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, then hugged him tightly. “Thanks, dude.”
“It’s nothing, if anything I should be thanking you,” Mutt responded, hugging back joyfully.
- - -
“Oh. It’s you again.” GLaDOS was actually forcing her annoyance this time. She sincerely wondered what was wrong with herself, especially this strange... unique... warm feeling... The feeling she used to get when she saw test subjects in pain, that giddy feeling. Not the test euphoria- after seeing Wheatley experiencing its effects, she swore she would never strip herself of her dignity in such a way- but just... happy. Whatever the opposite of lonely was.
“Heya Gladdy!” Why, she was even beginning to not mind that nickname. She cursed Caroline for this. “What’s up, G?” She didn’t mind that one that much, either.
“Oh... Just conversing with the moron and the extremely sentience-confused girl.”
“Look what she gave us, ha!” Kitty held up a tiny test subject uniform that was made of a very light, soft fabric. “Baby clothes! She is the best mother-in-law EVER!”
Mutt glanced at GLaDOS questioningly, then smirked. “Not such a tough, power-mad, scary monster now, are ya? Heh.”
GLaDOS looked away, embarrassed. “I... Figured they’d better get their child in to testing as soon as possible. So that they don’t get fat. Like their mother. Or-or stupid, like their father.” It was beginning to get a bit more obvious that she was faking this contempt.
Kenny looked back and forth at all of the people and robots here as they spoke, already feeling left out. With a sigh, he left the room, entering a nearby test chamber.
“Ha, very funny, Mom,” Kitty laughed.
GLaDOS’ eye glowed with happiness for a moment, then she turned away again. “... Don’t call me that.”
“Ooohhh you like being my mom! Don’t you, don’t you?” Kitty teased, grinning.
“NO!”
“Guys, where’d Kenny go?” Needless to say, Mutt was the first to notice the poor boy’s absence.
“Kenny was here?”
“Ugh. Kennyyy! Buddy I’m sorry, where’d you go?” Mutt cast a glare at Kitty for a moment before setting off in to a test chamber connected to the main room. Kitty watched him walk off for a moment, feeling remorse for ignoring Kenny, but that evaporated when Wheatley vibrated a purr against her chest.
“Wheatley, not here! You are drunk!”
- - -
Kenny was sitting next to a turret, sullenly hugging his knees to his chest. “I don’t know, turret. I feel like he’s found a better best friend than me.”
“I see you...”
“Yeah. And it’s like, I don’t know, I feel like a jealous girlfriend. It’s so fucking stupid, but I can’t help it. I want to be his super best friend, but now he’s always visiting you guys here.”
“Preparing to dispense product.”
“Wha?”
“Hello!” The turret was suddenly cheerful, and put away its guns. Kenny looked up and saw Mutt running over to him. He didn’t attempt to run away, welcoming Mutt with a smile. He wasn’t angry with him, he was just jealous.
“Dude why’d you run off, I was going to introduce you,” Mutt said, sitting with him.
“...” Kenny glanced at the turret.
“Go on,” the turret advised him.
“It’s just...” Kenny sighed. “Well...”
- - -
“Can you explain to me what this feeling is?”
Kitty sat before GLaDOS now, ready to have a conversation with her. Wheatley had started oozing all over the damn place, so she’d wrapped him in a blanket and left him in one of the fake motel rooms to vibrate away to his heart’s content. Rick, Spacey, and Craig had gone to visit old sphere friends. All of the turrets were in the test chambers. It was just her and her mother-in-law.
“What feeling?” Kitty asked.
“I don’t know... It’s so unfamiliar and I feel like it’s degrading... But when I’m around you or Jacob, or Kenneth, or even... the moron...” She shuddered, hating to admit this. “I get this... happy feeling.”
“Ooh! That’s love!” Kitty smiled.
“What?! But I’m not in love with you! I’m not in love with ANY of you!” That implication just pissed her off.
“Hey, calm down, it’s called friendship,” Kitty rolled her eyes.
“... Friend... ship?”
“Yeah, friendship. I mean, I love Mutt, but I’m not in love with him,” Kitty explained. “And Kenny and Mutt love each other, but they’re not IN love. There’s a difference.”
“... Emotions are so stupid.”
“Gladdy,” Kitty laughed, “do we need to talk about this? A heart-to-heart, a girl talk? I hate talks like this, personally-“
“Me too.”
“But I think it’s necessary.”
“Agreed. Anyways, I really feel friendship when Mutt’s around,” she went on. “Kenny is so lucky to have that friendship. I can tell they are very close.”
“Yeah, they are,” Kitty smiled. “Mutt doesn’t know it, but when he’s not around, Kenny gets so pathetic! One time, I had this party that Kenny came to, and Mutt was too sick to come, and he just kind of stood there in the corner awkwardly for a while- he didn’t even flirt with any girls!- then he just left, and later on I found out he went to take care of Mutt.”
“Haha...” GLaDOS actually laughed affectionately. “I-I mean! That’s, funny. Ha. Because. Humans and their emotions... are... so... pathetic.”
“Gladdy,” Kitty laughed, “your secret is safe with me.”
- - -
“And that’s kind of why I left...” Kenny finished explaining, eyes downcast.
“Awwh.. dude,” Mutt hugged him tight, shaking his head. “Duuude. Nobody could ever replace you. Not G, not turrets, not Aperture, not anything. You’re my super best friend, and you always will be.”
Kenny smiled, enjoying Mutt’s embrace.
“Really...?”
“Yes! You’re like my brother!”
“Well, heh...” Kenny smiled and pulled out of the hug, only to hold Mutt by the shoulders and look him straight in the eyes as he went on. “You’re like my brother, too. You want to know something? I can’t live without you. And that’s a fact. Whenever I’m down, you cheer me up. Whenever I die, you’re right there for me when I wake up, to help me through that trauma with your amazing support and friendship. Whenever I’m with you, I’m happy, and whenever you’re not around, there’s a part of me that’s missing. And no matter how much you say you look up to me, and that I’m better than you, and I’m the best, even if I eventually fold, I know that you’re wrong. You’re the hero. You’re the best. You are selfless, you are the one to be looked up to, you are the one who saved me, you are the badass.”
“Kenny...”
“I admire a lot of things about you. How you can go through life single and just not give a shit.”
“Well I am asexual,” Mutt laughed.
“Letmefinish. How you care so much about things I just don’t take seriously.”
“Well it’s something that just has a kind of tangibility after there’s a power-mad omnipotent AI orgasming right in front of you.”
“How you never, ever, ever give up on me, no matter how much of a zombie I become, or how evil I get.”
“But that’s-“
“Just admit it,” Kenny laughed. “Your loyalty and friendship are the most frickin’ amazing things in the universe.”
“... But...”
“Ah, what am I, stupid? You’re too humble to admit that,” Kenny chuckled and shook his head. “Nevermind. You’re just my best friend in the whole world. I don’t even care if it sounds homo. Fuck it, you know what I mean when I say I love you.”
Mutt laughed and pulled him in to another hug. “Yes, I get it. I love you, too, bro. And I promise you’ll always be my number one hero badass friend.”
“And you will always be my amazing, loyal, selfless, heroic, compassionate, unbelievably perfect bro.”
Mutt opened his mouth to protest.
“AHP. No. It is true. Want to get back to that party?”
Mutt chuckled and let Kenny out of the long embrace with a nod.
“Yeah, let’s get back to that. Who knows? Maybe Kitty’ll get drunk and try to do shit with Wheatley, and you’ll start laughing so hard I’ll have to stop you from dying, eh?”
“Maybe,” Kenny agreed with a grin, “maybe.”
- - -
Kenny got his laughing fit. Kitty did go to the motel room to pick up Wheatley to bring home with her, and she did stay in there quite a while, and they did hear some rather drunken moaning going on, and she did finally come out with her hair a bit messed up and Wheatley did have a comforted, lazy type of expression. Kenny laughed so hard he fell over on his side and started crying, and Mutt held him in his arms as he let it all out. He did not end up dying.
“Whew, thanks dude...” Kenny managed when he finally calmed down. “Oh, thanks, thank you...”
“I told you it might happen,” Mutt snickered. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m awesome. This is an awesome Christmas. Thank you.” Kenny smiled genuinely at his super best friend. “And not because of Kitty and Wheatley, or turrets, or GlaDOS or anything. Because of you.”
“Every Christmas is the best Christmas when you’re there,” Mutt said simply, giving Kenny a quick hug.
“... Is this... friendship?” GLaDOS asked quietly.
“No,” Kenny said with a chuckle. “This is super-best-friendship.”
That confused her a great deal. She stored it in her files as a synonym to “friendship”, and that was that.
Munny
“But why do you have to go to Aperture?”
Kenny followed his super best friend, Mutt, as he searched the house for his old test subject uniform, which he’d kept as a memento the same way Kitty had kept hers, and Wheatley, and Rick and Craig and Spacey. Then again, Wheatley wasn’t exactly a memento. Not that Mutt would fall in love with a robot (not that he would fall in love with anything, really, the silly asexual). He simply cared about the AI’s he’d met there, primarily GLaDOS and the turrets, since Kitty had all of the male AI’s more than taken care of herself. And something about that made Kenny want to make sure he was still Mutt’s best friend in the whole world. Maybe the fact that he was spending his Christmas there this year, and not in the McCormick household as he always had before. Maybe the fact that he always had turrets tagging along with him nowadays. Maybe the fact that he’d made it through however long he’d been in Aperture, lacking Kenny’s company, with seemingly very little effect.
“Why Aperture?” Kenny repeated, though he was actually helping in the search for the uniform.
“Dude, I promised I’d go this year,” Mutt replied, turning around with an orange jumpsuit in his hands. “Don’t want GLaDOS being too lonely. Besides, Kitty’s going to be there, too, and I want to know how her pregnancy’s going al-“
“Pregnancy?! Whoa is Kitty cheating on Wheatley or did they break up or-“
“Bro...” Mutt rolled his eyes a bit, hating to have to explain this but possessing the oh-so-scarring knowledge besides, “That jizz that comes out the handle? It’s real jizz, I thought you knew that.”
“... PFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Kenny wasn’t in too bad a mood anymore. “AHAHA! AHHHAHAHAAA!” It is Kenny, after all. He couldn’t resist a good folly of sexuality such as Kitty’s case.
Mutt chuckled along with him. “Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be laughing so hard if you actually had to see it happen once. Or initiate it...” He shuddered. He wished with all his heart he hadn’t pressed that button.
“Dude, okay, I... You need to stop telling me that shit,” Kenny was wheezing with laughter. “One of these days I’m going to just suffocate on laughter or have a heart attack or something and drop dead.”
“Then don’t ask,” Mutt grinned. “Seriously though, dude, I really should go. Besides, I never said you weren’t invited.”
“Whoa wait, I’m invited?” Kenny had missed that somehow, and realizing it now he lit up like a Christmas tree himself.
“Dude! Yes!” Mutt laughed, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I don’t ever want to spend a day without you, let alone a Holiday.”
“But I thought you were Jewish,” Kenny smirked.
“Well, it’s also the fifth day of Hanukkah today,” Mutt retorted with a smirk equal to his.
“Touché. Anyways, of course I’ll come with,” Kenny smiled. He glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, then hugged him tightly. “Thanks, dude.”
“It’s nothing, if anything I should be thanking you,” Mutt responded, hugging back joyfully.
- - -
“Oh. It’s you again.” GLaDOS was actually forcing her annoyance this time. She sincerely wondered what was wrong with herself, especially this strange... unique... warm feeling... The feeling she used to get when she saw test subjects in pain, that giddy feeling. Not the test euphoria- after seeing Wheatley experiencing its effects, she swore she would never strip herself of her dignity in such a way- but just... happy. Whatever the opposite of lonely was.
“Heya Gladdy!” Why, she was even beginning to not mind that nickname. She cursed Caroline for this. “What’s up, G?” She didn’t mind that one that much, either.
“Oh... Just conversing with the moron and the extremely sentience-confused girl.”
“Look what she gave us, ha!” Kitty held up a tiny test subject uniform that was made of a very light, soft fabric. “Baby clothes! She is the best mother-in-law EVER!”
Mutt glanced at GLaDOS questioningly, then smirked. “Not such a tough, power-mad, scary monster now, are ya? Heh.”
GLaDOS looked away, embarrassed. “I... Figured they’d better get their child in to testing as soon as possible. So that they don’t get fat. Like their mother. Or-or stupid, like their father.” It was beginning to get a bit more obvious that she was faking this contempt.
Kenny looked back and forth at all of the people and robots here as they spoke, already feeling left out. With a sigh, he left the room, entering a nearby test chamber.
“Ha, very funny, Mom,” Kitty laughed.
GLaDOS’ eye glowed with happiness for a moment, then she turned away again. “... Don’t call me that.”
“Ooohhh you like being my mom! Don’t you, don’t you?” Kitty teased, grinning.
“NO!”
“Guys, where’d Kenny go?” Needless to say, Mutt was the first to notice the poor boy’s absence.
“Kenny was here?”
“Ugh. Kennyyy! Buddy I’m sorry, where’d you go?” Mutt cast a glare at Kitty for a moment before setting off in to a test chamber connected to the main room. Kitty watched him walk off for a moment, feeling remorse for ignoring Kenny, but that evaporated when Wheatley vibrated a purr against her chest.
“Wheatley, not here! You are drunk!”
- - -
Kenny was sitting next to a turret, sullenly hugging his knees to his chest. “I don’t know, turret. I feel like he’s found a better best friend than me.”
“I see you...”
“Yeah. And it’s like, I don’t know, I feel like a jealous girlfriend. It’s so fucking stupid, but I can’t help it. I want to be his super best friend, but now he’s always visiting you guys here.”
“Preparing to dispense product.”
“Wha?”
“Hello!” The turret was suddenly cheerful, and put away its guns. Kenny looked up and saw Mutt running over to him. He didn’t attempt to run away, welcoming Mutt with a smile. He wasn’t angry with him, he was just jealous.
“Dude why’d you run off, I was going to introduce you,” Mutt said, sitting with him.
“...” Kenny glanced at the turret.
“Go on,” the turret advised him.
“It’s just...” Kenny sighed. “Well...”
- - -
“Can you explain to me what this feeling is?”
Kitty sat before GLaDOS now, ready to have a conversation with her. Wheatley had started oozing all over the damn place, so she’d wrapped him in a blanket and left him in one of the fake motel rooms to vibrate away to his heart’s content. Rick, Spacey, and Craig had gone to visit old sphere friends. All of the turrets were in the test chambers. It was just her and her mother-in-law.
“What feeling?” Kitty asked.
“I don’t know... It’s so unfamiliar and I feel like it’s degrading... But when I’m around you or Jacob, or Kenneth, or even... the moron...” She shuddered, hating to admit this. “I get this... happy feeling.”
“Ooh! That’s love!” Kitty smiled.
“What?! But I’m not in love with you! I’m not in love with ANY of you!” That implication just pissed her off.
“Hey, calm down, it’s called friendship,” Kitty rolled her eyes.
“... Friend... ship?”
“Yeah, friendship. I mean, I love Mutt, but I’m not in love with him,” Kitty explained. “And Kenny and Mutt love each other, but they’re not IN love. There’s a difference.”
“... Emotions are so stupid.”
“Gladdy,” Kitty laughed, “do we need to talk about this? A heart-to-heart, a girl talk? I hate talks like this, personally-“
“Me too.”
“But I think it’s necessary.”
“Agreed. Anyways, I really feel friendship when Mutt’s around,” she went on. “Kenny is so lucky to have that friendship. I can tell they are very close.”
“Yeah, they are,” Kitty smiled. “Mutt doesn’t know it, but when he’s not around, Kenny gets so pathetic! One time, I had this party that Kenny came to, and Mutt was too sick to come, and he just kind of stood there in the corner awkwardly for a while- he didn’t even flirt with any girls!- then he just left, and later on I found out he went to take care of Mutt.”
“Haha...” GLaDOS actually laughed affectionately. “I-I mean! That’s, funny. Ha. Because. Humans and their emotions... are... so... pathetic.”
“Gladdy,” Kitty laughed, “your secret is safe with me.”
- - -
“And that’s kind of why I left...” Kenny finished explaining, eyes downcast.
“Awwh.. dude,” Mutt hugged him tight, shaking his head. “Duuude. Nobody could ever replace you. Not G, not turrets, not Aperture, not anything. You’re my super best friend, and you always will be.”
Kenny smiled, enjoying Mutt’s embrace.
“Really...?”
“Yes! You’re like my brother!”
“Well, heh...” Kenny smiled and pulled out of the hug, only to hold Mutt by the shoulders and look him straight in the eyes as he went on. “You’re like my brother, too. You want to know something? I can’t live without you. And that’s a fact. Whenever I’m down, you cheer me up. Whenever I die, you’re right there for me when I wake up, to help me through that trauma with your amazing support and friendship. Whenever I’m with you, I’m happy, and whenever you’re not around, there’s a part of me that’s missing. And no matter how much you say you look up to me, and that I’m better than you, and I’m the best, even if I eventually fold, I know that you’re wrong. You’re the hero. You’re the best. You are selfless, you are the one to be looked up to, you are the one who saved me, you are the badass.”
“Kenny...”
“I admire a lot of things about you. How you can go through life single and just not give a shit.”
“Well I am asexual,” Mutt laughed.
“Letmefinish. How you care so much about things I just don’t take seriously.”
“Well it’s something that just has a kind of tangibility after there’s a power-mad omnipotent AI orgasming right in front of you.”
“How you never, ever, ever give up on me, no matter how much of a zombie I become, or how evil I get.”
“But that’s-“
“Just admit it,” Kenny laughed. “Your loyalty and friendship are the most frickin’ amazing things in the universe.”
“... But...”
“Ah, what am I, stupid? You’re too humble to admit that,” Kenny chuckled and shook his head. “Nevermind. You’re just my best friend in the whole world. I don’t even care if it sounds homo. Fuck it, you know what I mean when I say I love you.”
Mutt laughed and pulled him in to another hug. “Yes, I get it. I love you, too, bro. And I promise you’ll always be my number one hero badass friend.”
“And you will always be my amazing, loyal, selfless, heroic, compassionate, unbelievably perfect bro.”
Mutt opened his mouth to protest.
“AHP. No. It is true. Want to get back to that party?”
Mutt chuckled and let Kenny out of the long embrace with a nod.
“Yeah, let’s get back to that. Who knows? Maybe Kitty’ll get drunk and try to do shit with Wheatley, and you’ll start laughing so hard I’ll have to stop you from dying, eh?”
“Maybe,” Kenny agreed with a grin, “maybe.”
- - -
Kenny got his laughing fit. Kitty did go to the motel room to pick up Wheatley to bring home with her, and she did stay in there quite a while, and they did hear some rather drunken moaning going on, and she did finally come out with her hair a bit messed up and Wheatley did have a comforted, lazy type of expression. Kenny laughed so hard he fell over on his side and started crying, and Mutt held him in his arms as he let it all out. He did not end up dying.
“Whew, thanks dude...” Kenny managed when he finally calmed down. “Oh, thanks, thank you...”
“I told you it might happen,” Mutt snickered. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m awesome. This is an awesome Christmas. Thank you.” Kenny smiled genuinely at his super best friend. “And not because of Kitty and Wheatley, or turrets, or GlaDOS or anything. Because of you.”
“Every Christmas is the best Christmas when you’re there,” Mutt said simply, giving Kenny a quick hug.
“... Is this... friendship?” GLaDOS asked quietly.
“No,” Kenny said with a chuckle. “This is super-best-friendship.”
That confused her a great deal. She stored it in her files as a synonym to “friendship”, and that was that.