Man Behind The Mask (WIP)

[John]

"...OH THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN..." Randy Marsh sang as he and his wife drove their children out for the annual camping trip.

"Quiet down, Howard, your voice is horrendous!" Grandpa complained.

"Oh dad, stop being so old." Randy laughed.

"Randy, watch the roa-"

"Just relax, Sharon, I got it under control..."

"Randy, you just hit a pedestrian!" Sharon yelped.

"That wasn't a pedestrian..."

BANG BANG BANG

"Randy, you just ran over a Gang member!"

"Oh God, you know, I'm almost happy Kyle chose to spend the weekend at home instead of here with us dorks." Stan pinched his nose.

"Yeah, now it's just us!" Cartman grinned evily. "Ay Kenny, don't eat all the potato chips!"

"I'm not, me and Butters are sharing!'

"Ay, why didn't you invite your hippie girlfriend? Stan invited his hippie!"

"Kelly's going to be there anyway, her choir is performing."

"Don't call Wendy a hippie, Cartman!" Stan hugged his girlfriend.

"I l-"

"BLEEEEEEEEEECH!"

"Ew."

"Sorry Wendy."

"MOOOM! Shtan'sh throwing up in the car!" Shelly whined.

"Stan, don't throw up in the car!"

"Damn your sister is a smart bitch!" Cartman cried.

"Shut up Cartman!" Stan cried.

"You shut up!"

"No, You shut up!" Cartman yelled.

"You shut up!"

"You tell him, Stan!" Wendy said.

"BLEEEEEECH!"

"Ew."

"Sorry Wendy."

"You shut up." Cartman cried.

"No, you."

"You"

"No, you."

"You"

"No, you."

"You"

"No, you."

"You"

"No, you."

"You"

"THE MALE ECHIDNA HAS A FOUR-HEADED PENIS!" Everyone looked at Kenny. "What? I don't like pointless arguements."

Suddenly the car came to a SREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING halt. "Randy, are we at camp already?" Sharon inquired.

"Uh, yes, I'd like to order a double cheeseburger with-"

"RANDY!"

"We're getting to you, Sharon!"

"Hey I'm starving too!" Cartman cried.

"Nobody cares, Alfred!" Grampa said.

"My name's Cartman!"

---

Kyle, on the other hand, was asleep when his phone rang. He got up and sleepily answered, "Hello?"

"AUGH! KYLE?"

"Tweek, what the hell, it's six in the morning!?"

"ACK! KYLE I NEED TO TALK TO YOU IT'S SUPER IMPORTANT ANDSHITANDOHGOD MYHAIRISCOMINGOUTAGAINITSHOULDN'TDOTHATANDHOLYCRAP!"

"Dude, what the hell?"

"So me and Clyde were - ERK - up all night playing Spore, right AUGH!? And then we were looking up the cheats and it turns out the camp you're going to is-!"

"I'm not going to camp, dude. The guys already left."

"What? B-but it's cursed!"

"Cursed, huh?"

"ACK TELL HIM CRAIG." Craig's voice came on the line,

"Ever since 1958, Camp-"

"Dude relax, nothing bad is gonna happen... It's just a stupid vacation!" Kyle cried.

"But Ky-" Dialtone.
---

"All right Jimbo, you sure you can watch the kids all weekend?" Randy asked.

"Yeah, it'll be fine, don't worry." explained Stan's Uncle Jimbo Kern, holding one of his trusty rifles, "C'mon Randy, me and Ned are great with kids. Right, Ned?" There was a pause, "Ned lost his voice box again."

"I'm just making sure, you know the kind of crazy stuff that happens..." Randy explained.

"Yeah, I know - Randy, we're not in Colorado anymore, we're in New Jersey. I'm sure everything will be fine. I mean what's the worst that can happen - some White-Bellied Forest cats attack?" Jimbo rolled his eyes. "You and Sharon get on home for your little night alone, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, bro." Randy said, getting into the car with Sharon, Grampa and Shelly.

"Stanley, have fun, okay? And you have your cell phone if you need us." Sharon told her son, "We'll see you on Sunday evening, hopefully." she smiled.

"All right Sharon, let's get going." Randy said, and Sharon waved as the car drove off.

"All right everyone, welcome to Camp Forest Green! Now, the choir'll be here in an hour or so - until then just stick around the campsite or the campfire or something... uh, and everyone pick a tent buddy." Jimbo said.

"Looks like I'm stuck with you." Cartman offered his hand to Shelly.

"Ugh, fine." she grabbed his hand reluctantly.

"Dad, you'll have to sleep alone." Jimbo replied.

"Goshdarnit, I always have to sleep alone, Ryan!"

"Now, the choir'll be here in an hour so until then we just have to stay around the campsite. Sit around the campfire or something, kids."

And they did so. The kids lined up around the campfire as it got dark and Marvin Marsh wheeled his wheelchair up, "So any of you kids wanna hear about the cuuurse of Camp Crystal Lake?"

"Sure, why not?" Stan shrugged.

"Decades ago, before any of you were even born - or Howard, for that matter - there was a camp here, see? It was called Camp Crystal Lake. And there were a bunch of counselers and a cook named Pamela Voorhees. Pamela's son was disfigured or retarded or something... hell, if I know, it's been over fifty years... anyway, Pamela's son Jason couldn't swim. But cause he was ugly or whatever, kids teased him, and so one day to prove em wrong, he went for a swim. And guess what happened?"

"He proved them all wrong?" Stan asked.

"He died?" Cartman asked.

"Did his mom have big tits?" Kenny asked.

"No, Yes, and no clue, George. I think someone told me once she looked like Betsy Palmer... anyway, so the son drowned to death because the counselers that were supposed to be watching him were getting it on. Then, a year later, those same two counselers were found bloody and dead."

"Did his mom do it?" Stan asked.

"I'M GETTING THERE, BILLY!" Grampa huffed, "So they tried to reopen the camp a couple times - poisoned water and shit happened. It wasn't until Nineteen Seventy-Nine the camp reopened for real... and all of the counselers were murdered, slowly, by a psycho killer with a machete! Ah, if only a psycho killer'd get me... the last one was named Alice and she found the psycho killer - it was that retarded kid's mom! She chopped the bitch's head off!"

"Wow. That story sucked." Cartman said.

"There's more! Five years later, they reopened it again and people started dying - again! Fucking idiots... this time it was the chick's son, who-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, didn't he die?" Butters said.

"Yeah, you can't just die and come back from the dead! That's impossible!" Kenny said.

"See, turns out, he was living in the woods the whole time in a shack, heh, he was alive." Grampa exclaimed, "So anyway, Jason killed em with a sack on his head-" Grampa ignored the laughter, "And then left the camp and went to a resort, killed all of them and got a hockey mask out of it, and got hit in the head with an axe. After that he was taken to the morgue and escaped. And guess what? He got out again! Until some kid chopped his face up with a machete..."

"I do not wanna meet the guy who does this stuff." Cartman said

"You wanna know what happened next?" Grampa asked.

"Aw, come on, there's More?" Stan whined.

"So some dude named Roy's son got killed at a halfway house and he killed a bunch of them, and then Jason came back, but it was Roy. Then the kid who chopped Jason's face up felt like chopping him up again, but lightening brought Jason back-"

"Aw, come on, this guy dies and comes back all the time! I mean, what the fuck?" Kenny pouted, "It makes no sense at all! Is he even human?"

"And then... well after that he comes back like, two more times and basically just kills people... finds a telekenetic girl, too... and then he goes to New York City.... and then he gets blown up in an FBI sting and possesses people like a demon. That was fucking bizzare... and last time he was seen was here about eight years ago fighting a pedophile." The kids were speechless.

"This sounds like a really crappy movie series." Cartman said.

....

[John]

The group walked back to thier tents as Stan held Wendy's hand, whispering "You don't really think that's all true do you?"

"Stan, your grandpa can't even keep everyone's names straight, it's just silly campfire tales, nothing to worry about."

"Yeah I'm sure that story is nothing but a load of bullshit..."Cartman grumbled as he walks to his tent

They arrived at their tent and pushed back the flap as Wendy sat back down. "This is pretty nice out here in the forest, so beautiful and peaceful. It's awesome they aren't seperating the sleeping arrangements by gender, come on and get some sleep Stan, we have a long day tomorrow." she smiled.

Wendy patted the sleeping bag next to her, but then hesitated, placing a bucket next to stan's sleeping bag. "Just to be prepared." she explained.

In the next tent over, Shelly was laying down groud rules with her bunkmate. "Listen stupid turd, I have no clue why they're making me sleep in the same tent as you but no talking, no snoring and stay on your side or you'll be in a world of hurt, you got me?"

"You can't tell me what to do bitch!" Cartman replied.

In the next tent from there...

"How the fuck did I get stuck with you?" Kenny asked Butters "I'm the only one not laying next to chick! Ugh, do you have to wear those fucking PJ's?"

"Eric was the only one left." Butters explained, "You don't like my bunny PJ's Kenny?"

"NO! BUNNIES ANNOYS ME BUTTERS!"

Kenny was stripped down to his hoodie and underwear, he shivered as he got into his borrowed sleeping bag. "At least you can afford pajamas, Butters, even if they are dorky, now shut the fuck up and lets get this night over with, maybe I can trade bunk partners with Stan tomorrow or something."

Butters immediately felt bad for Kenny, laying in his sleeping bag for a bit, "If you want kenny I have matching bunny slippers you can wear to bed if you want to stay warm."

"Butters?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"So Kenny do you believe in that... Jason guy Stan's grandpa was talking about?" Butters asked

"How should I know, I never can believe what anyone says anymore. Why, do you belive it's real? I was at the campfire mostly for the s'mores and hot dogs we were roasting." Kenny said, rubbing a full stomach.

"I saw someone like that once..."

"Huh?"

"When we were in imagianitionland, I saw someone over seven feet tall and scarred with a hockey mask."

"Well that was Imaginatonland butters, you got the best look out of everyone there, I was...busy that whole time. As far as you guys all knew..." Kenny grumbled

"I didn't really think about that Kenny, where were you dude?"

"None of your damn business...."

"Kenny? Were you jacking your weiner the whole time we were in Imagianonland? You can tell me buddy." Butters gave a kind smile.

The tent was dark as Kenny leaned over and punched butters in the side of the head. "Shut up and go to sleep butters, no more dumb questions for the rest of the night!" Butters wailed.

Stan was rolled over and asleep, his puking under control and Wendy dozing off when there was movement at the entrance to their tent. Kenny entered in his underwear and hoodie and sat down between them. "Stan, we have to trade bunks, Butters is too gay to sleep with." he sent a wink over to wendy

"Um, dude no way! I don't trust you. " Stan stirred.

Wendy sat up and rubbed her eyes, "If it bothers you that much Kenny, I'll go sleep in Butters' tent and you two can sleep in here."

"NO!" both boys said in unison.

"Look, you can sleep next to my puke bucket." Stan offered as pointed to a corner

"Awh Stan, now it's like I'm at home again!" Kenny said as he went to curl up there.

"Well too fucking bad Kenny, you're not raping my girlfriend." Stan replied coldly

"Could you kids quiet it down? I'm trying to take my goddamn vitamins!" Grampa yelled out

Wendy stood stright up. " Rape? Who said anything about rape!?" she looked both ways, "Now look you woke your grandpa! I'll be extra safe from both of you and go sleep with Butters. Good night to both of you." she left.

"....AAAWW Wendy come back!!" Stan pleaded.

"Damn it Kenny why don't you go bunk with Grandpa and leave Wendy alone?" Stan asked angrily.

"Kenny? Kennyyy?" Butters was calling outside

"What Butters?! What the hell do you want?" Kenny asked through the tent.

"Where'd you go?" Butters asked quietly.

"Kenny I'm afraid of the dark! I need someone to sleep with!"

"Dude I'm in Stan's tent!" Kenny groaned as he walks out of the tent. "Wendy's bunking with you now."

"Dude, Butters wants you." Stan laughed.

"Dude fuck you!" Kenny grabbed the puke bucket and dumped it on Stan's head, covering him in his own vomit.

"I get to bunk with a girl? Oh man, dad's gonna ground me!" Butters said.

"You're dad's not even here!" Kenny yelled.

Cartman popped out of his tent in his teddy bear PJ's. "What the fuck is with all the yelling? I am trying to get some Goddamn sleep!!"

"...Eeeeeeeewww Stan I don't think I want to sleep with you now you smell like rotten hot dogs and cheesy poofs." Wendy groaned just as she poked back in the tent.

"Great, now I smell like Cartman's house! Okay, I'm off to take a shower, when I come back you better be in your own tent Kenny or I'm kicking your ass, no excuses." Stan dragged his nasty sleeping bag out of the tent and headed off to the lake to wash the puke out of his hair.