Post by poofballcupcake on Jun 4, 2010 1:49:32 GMT -5
It’s a typical Friday afternoon, recess after lunch and nine year old Stan Marsh is heading into the boy’s bathroom, taking a break from yet another football game on the playground. He notes a piece of paper attached to the wall and after finishing his business goes in for a closer look. The first thing he notices is the stupid paper is held against the wall by chewed up bubble gum- gross! The second thing he notices is that it’s another stupid list. The third thing he notices is it’s his name at the bottom of this new list, he rolls his eyes.
“I’m at the bottom of most exciting? Really? That stupid council is really reaching nowadays aren’t they?”
Stan’s voice echoes in the empty bathroom. Well he would prevent anyone dying, anyone getting arrested or anyone trying to burn down the school this time. Stan takes a paper towel in his hand and gingerly unsticks the piece of paper from the wall. He wasn’t as grossed out by bodily fluids as Kyle was but still it was gross. Stan rips the page in half, and then again and again until it’s in tiny little pieces. He tosses the sticky pieces into the toilet and he would of pissed on them if he had seen the page earlier. He would not flip out or do anything rash, just talk to Wendy. She was a girl, she was on his side, and she would know. He definitely would not speak of this to any of his guys friends. He didn’t want to start any disasters that could easily be prevented.
The playground was usually divided during the half hour recess. The boys had taken the empty field, which had been coved with the snow from last night. Now the field was tracked with muddy foot prints as the boys played football. Stan ignored his friends calling him back and headed closer to the school to the playground equipment, to that old merry go round, the girls territory.
Bebe, Red and the lovely Miss Wendy Testaburger were gathered on the swings. Red was going on about some problems at home, Wendy sympathetically patted her on the shoulder as Bebe looked on, shoving stick after stick of gum into her mouth. Stan approached the girls as casually as he could. Sure all girls were insane, except for Wendy of course, but he still had to make a good impression on her friends.
“Wendy could I talk to you? Just for a minute.”
“Sure Stan.”
Wendy broke away from her clique and took her boyfriend’s hand. She squeezes his gloved hand in her own and a warm feeling fills Stan as he tries to hold back his gag reflex. Stan takes a deep breath, still trying to look cool in front of Wendy.
“Wendy?”
“Yes Stan?”
Wendy smiled at him. That smile and his stomach turned, god what was wrong with him? Stan tries to swallow back his nausea.
“Another list was stuck to the boy’s bathroom wall.”
“The wall of the boy’s bathroom? How did it get there? And what did it say this time?”
“Most exciting boy in the class? What is that even supposed to mean? I was on the bottom, by the way.”
Wendy stifles a laugh.
“So you’re the least exciting boy in class? Oh boy Bebe is really running out of ideas for girls council.”
“How can you laugh at this Wendy?”
“And how can you get upset at this Stan? This is why the boys aren’t allowed to see the list. It made Kyle and everyone go psycho last time. I don’t want you to go psycho over it, you can be better than that!”
“I’m not going to burn down the school Wendy, if that’s what you’re thinking. But still it’s a bad feeling. Even Cartman is ahead of me on that list.”
“Well that’s the thing about Cartman, he’s fat, racist, misogynistic and sociopathic. All bad qualities but I guess that still makes him interesting. Now I’m curious, who are number one?”
“Clyde.”
Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she picked up from Stan.
“See? This is why I left the girl’s council. The lists seem to be horribly corrupted these days.”
“You’re not a part of them anymore Wendy?”
“I left ages ago Stan, and honestly if I had any part of making this list you would of ranked a lot higher. I would honestly not worry about it.”
Stan smiled. ‘Really Wendy?”
“Really Stan.”
Wendy smiled in that certain way, Stan could always try to be cool in front of Wendy but when she smiled it shook him to the core. Wendy noticed him blushing and does something she wanted to try for a while. Something she saw on TV all the time. Wendy wraps her arms around his neck and goes in for a smootch. But this is not some movie star Wendy is about to kiss, this is Stan Marsh, so the typical reaction happens.
“Bleeeeach!”
Wendy blinked and pulled back, her hair and clothes covered in what they had for lunch not even an hour ago.
Stan wiped his mouth. “Sorry Wendy.”
“No no, it’s my fault. I should know not to get to close to you. You still can’t handle it at times. I need a change of clothes RIGHT NOW.”
“Wendy! I said I was sorry!”
Wendy rolled her eyes and stomped across the playground, sticky and starting to smell. She had to talk to a responsible adult about getting a change of clothes. But a responsible adult would be hard to find right now, Mr. Garrison had playground duty today.
Herbert Garrison cursed Friday lunch recess. He could care less if the children killed each other while out on the playground, less kids to deal with in the classroom. But every Friday this was his post. The happy screams of the children only made his bad mood worse. Christ he wished he could smoke while on playground duty. A smoke and a drink would be good right about now. Mr. Garrison checked his watch, only ten minutes of this hell outside and then back to the hell inside, but at least he wouldn’t be so cold. Also he could sneak a shot from the bottle under his desk right before afternoon lessons started. He was so focused on getting to the hidden bottle of Jack he didn’t notice Wendy coming up to him covered in vomit.
“Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison. MR. GARRISON!”
“What!”
Wendy holds out her arms. “Look at me!”
“I don’t think green and brown are your colors young Wendy. You should stick to purple.”
“I need a change of clothes Mr. Garrison!”
“Did you puke on yourself Wendy?”
“No Stan did!”
“Then both of you should go to the nurse’s office.”
“He didn’t throw up on me because he was sick.”
“I don’t care Wendy. It’s school policy.” Mr. Garrison shouts from across the playground. “Stan? Stanley Marsh to the nurse’s office immediately!”
Stan had just barely gotten back into the football game when he hear dhis name being called.
“That’s a new one Stan, being called to the nurses office instead of the principals or counselors office!” Kenny mumbled.
“Awh just when this game was getting good!” Stan cups his hands around his mouth and shouts back to Mr. Garrison. “I’M NOT SICK MR. GARRISON!”
“STANLEY MARSH YOU GO TO THE NURSES OFFICE RIGHT NOW OR I’LL SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE NO RECESS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS!”
“Aw Awwww, five minutes guys.”
Stan jogs across the playground in a show to Mr Garrison that he is fine, leaving Kyle standing next to Kenny.
“Better him than me Kenny, Nurse Gollum still freaks me out dude.”
Stan comes up to Mr. Garrison and an increasingly pissed off Wendy. “Mr. Garrison, I’m fine!”
“No whining, come on Stanley!”
Mr. Garrison grabs Stan by the jacket and drags him into the building, Wendy trailing behind. Mr. Garrison would of grabbed Wendy also to mover her along quicker but he didn’t want to touch her vomit covered jacket.
Nurse Gollum was a perfectly nice lady even if the giant fetus attached to her head held her back from getting close to anyone, sat behind her desk “doing paperwork” aka checking her facebook. She jumped up immediately, shutting her laptop when the three entered.
“Oh my goodness what happned here?”
“One of these little basta- eh children threw up on the other.”
Wendy stood, disgusted with her arms crossed, Stan held back, trying to avoid the embarrassing situation. Nurse Gollum was used to puke and gross stuff and took Wendy by the shoulder without hesitation.
“Come with me dear, we’ll find you a change of clothes at the front office. You young man, go lay down and I’ll be back to take your temperature and call your parents.”
“But I’m fine miss, really I am!”
“I think you should stay with him Mr. Garrison. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Nurse Gollum, I think Stan is perfectly okay watching himself, I have better things to do.”
“Mr. Garrison we have to be supportive role models as well as authority figures for our students, now if you don’t mind.”
Nurse Gollum takes Wendy by the hand and leads her out of the office. Mr. Garrison plopped down behind the nurse’s desk. The bottle under his desk would have to wait. Stan still stood in the doorway, trying not to be noticed.
“Lay down Stanley.”
“But I keep telling you I’m fine!”
“Oh for the love of god, just lay down! Authority figures my ass!”
Stan was defeated, he sighed and went over to the little cot, he sat at the edge, the eventually laid his head down, pulling his knees to his chest. Stan didn’t feel sick but he still felt BAD.
Mr. Garrison had opened Nurse Gollum’s laptop with some curiosity and was looking for something interesting and possibly erotically stimulating on that thing. The only thing so far was a picture on Nurse Gollum’s facebook in a low cut blouse. Mr. Garrison was half trying to decide if the school Nurse would be hotter without the dead fetus attached or was she more attractive because of the dead fetus. Mr. Garrison questioned himself and the freaky stuff he was into when he looked over at Stan looking so sad on the cot.
Ah, well Nurse Gollum didn’t have that great of a rack but she had told him to be supportive of their students.
“What’s wrong Stan? I know I’m your teacher, you can come to me with any problems you may have.”
The stupid list and the fact he could never do anything right for Wendy were running through Stan’s head. He looked over at his teacher. Stan didn’t trust any adults except for Chef and right now he missed poor Chef. He could try a Chef like question on Garrison and see how badly his teacher would screw it up.
Stan sat up and propped himself up on one elbow. “Mr. Garrison can I ask you a question? In my group of friends how do I stand out what makes me stand out among them?”
“I don't know Stanley, all the kids in my class all kind of blend together. I mean you all are special in your own way. I guess, that’s what you’re supposed to say in these situations, right?” Mr. Garrison turned his back to Stan and tried to focus more on Nurse Gollums friend list.
“My friend Kenny has the power of life and death and is knowledgeable about sex, my best friend Kyle is smart and honorable and full of this anger against Cartman the evil one who has done the worst possible things. Yet still Cartman can get away with it and is probably my second closest friend, don't let Kyle hear that. But in the group of four where do i stand out? I’m too selfish to be as moral as Kyle but still care too much to be as heartless as Cartman. My own mouth keeps getting me into trouble. When can I stand out on my own and not have some bullshit fuck it up?”
‘What about that girl?”
“Huh?”
“your little girlfriend Wendy? The one you just puked on and humiliated on the playground? Don’t you have her?”
[insert stan and garrison convo that I am stumped on]
Stan placed his head back on the cot, ego wounded, confidence defeated not physically ill however. God what was wrong with everyone employed at this school? He shut his eyes and a few minutes later was gently shaken awake by Nurse Gollum.
“Stanley you father is here to pick you up.”
“Where’s Wendy?”
“She’s perfectly fine and back on the playground dear.”
“Stan, staaaan? Are you okay son?”
“Yeah dad I’m not even sick.” Randy Marsh got in close to see his son, Stan could smell the alchol on his breath but didn’t want to speak up, the last thing he needed was his dad arrested on top of an already shitty day.
“put your coat and hat on and let’s go son.”
Stan sat up. “Dad!”
“What Stanley!”
“I…never take off my hat or jacket, most of the time.”
“Oh right right, let’s go.” Randy pointed to Nurse Gollum. “And be happy we don’t choose to sue the school over making my boy sick!”
“Dad Jesus Christ, I’m not sick!”
Randy took the collar of Stan’s jacket and pulled him out on the playground out into the parking lot. Stan could see Wendy, her hands over her face with Bebe and Red consoling her.
“I’m sorry Wendy!” Stan yelled across the playground.
Wendy looked up at him, left had raised in the air giving him the finger. He could see from across the playground what the school gave her to wear, an ugly knitted together sweater colored a shocking pink, a huge Christmas tree across the front.
Stan’s face turned the color of his girlfriend’s sweater as he got into his dad’s truck.
“I’m at the bottom of most exciting? Really? That stupid council is really reaching nowadays aren’t they?”
Stan’s voice echoes in the empty bathroom. Well he would prevent anyone dying, anyone getting arrested or anyone trying to burn down the school this time. Stan takes a paper towel in his hand and gingerly unsticks the piece of paper from the wall. He wasn’t as grossed out by bodily fluids as Kyle was but still it was gross. Stan rips the page in half, and then again and again until it’s in tiny little pieces. He tosses the sticky pieces into the toilet and he would of pissed on them if he had seen the page earlier. He would not flip out or do anything rash, just talk to Wendy. She was a girl, she was on his side, and she would know. He definitely would not speak of this to any of his guys friends. He didn’t want to start any disasters that could easily be prevented.
The playground was usually divided during the half hour recess. The boys had taken the empty field, which had been coved with the snow from last night. Now the field was tracked with muddy foot prints as the boys played football. Stan ignored his friends calling him back and headed closer to the school to the playground equipment, to that old merry go round, the girls territory.
Bebe, Red and the lovely Miss Wendy Testaburger were gathered on the swings. Red was going on about some problems at home, Wendy sympathetically patted her on the shoulder as Bebe looked on, shoving stick after stick of gum into her mouth. Stan approached the girls as casually as he could. Sure all girls were insane, except for Wendy of course, but he still had to make a good impression on her friends.
“Wendy could I talk to you? Just for a minute.”
“Sure Stan.”
Wendy broke away from her clique and took her boyfriend’s hand. She squeezes his gloved hand in her own and a warm feeling fills Stan as he tries to hold back his gag reflex. Stan takes a deep breath, still trying to look cool in front of Wendy.
“Wendy?”
“Yes Stan?”
Wendy smiled at him. That smile and his stomach turned, god what was wrong with him? Stan tries to swallow back his nausea.
“Another list was stuck to the boy’s bathroom wall.”
“The wall of the boy’s bathroom? How did it get there? And what did it say this time?”
“Most exciting boy in the class? What is that even supposed to mean? I was on the bottom, by the way.”
Wendy stifles a laugh.
“So you’re the least exciting boy in class? Oh boy Bebe is really running out of ideas for girls council.”
“How can you laugh at this Wendy?”
“And how can you get upset at this Stan? This is why the boys aren’t allowed to see the list. It made Kyle and everyone go psycho last time. I don’t want you to go psycho over it, you can be better than that!”
“I’m not going to burn down the school Wendy, if that’s what you’re thinking. But still it’s a bad feeling. Even Cartman is ahead of me on that list.”
“Well that’s the thing about Cartman, he’s fat, racist, misogynistic and sociopathic. All bad qualities but I guess that still makes him interesting. Now I’m curious, who are number one?”
“Clyde.”
Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she picked up from Stan.
“See? This is why I left the girl’s council. The lists seem to be horribly corrupted these days.”
“You’re not a part of them anymore Wendy?”
“I left ages ago Stan, and honestly if I had any part of making this list you would of ranked a lot higher. I would honestly not worry about it.”
Stan smiled. ‘Really Wendy?”
“Really Stan.”
Wendy smiled in that certain way, Stan could always try to be cool in front of Wendy but when she smiled it shook him to the core. Wendy noticed him blushing and does something she wanted to try for a while. Something she saw on TV all the time. Wendy wraps her arms around his neck and goes in for a smootch. But this is not some movie star Wendy is about to kiss, this is Stan Marsh, so the typical reaction happens.
“Bleeeeach!”
Wendy blinked and pulled back, her hair and clothes covered in what they had for lunch not even an hour ago.
Stan wiped his mouth. “Sorry Wendy.”
“No no, it’s my fault. I should know not to get to close to you. You still can’t handle it at times. I need a change of clothes RIGHT NOW.”
“Wendy! I said I was sorry!”
Wendy rolled her eyes and stomped across the playground, sticky and starting to smell. She had to talk to a responsible adult about getting a change of clothes. But a responsible adult would be hard to find right now, Mr. Garrison had playground duty today.
Herbert Garrison cursed Friday lunch recess. He could care less if the children killed each other while out on the playground, less kids to deal with in the classroom. But every Friday this was his post. The happy screams of the children only made his bad mood worse. Christ he wished he could smoke while on playground duty. A smoke and a drink would be good right about now. Mr. Garrison checked his watch, only ten minutes of this hell outside and then back to the hell inside, but at least he wouldn’t be so cold. Also he could sneak a shot from the bottle under his desk right before afternoon lessons started. He was so focused on getting to the hidden bottle of Jack he didn’t notice Wendy coming up to him covered in vomit.
“Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison. MR. GARRISON!”
“What!”
Wendy holds out her arms. “Look at me!”
“I don’t think green and brown are your colors young Wendy. You should stick to purple.”
“I need a change of clothes Mr. Garrison!”
“Did you puke on yourself Wendy?”
“No Stan did!”
“Then both of you should go to the nurse’s office.”
“He didn’t throw up on me because he was sick.”
“I don’t care Wendy. It’s school policy.” Mr. Garrison shouts from across the playground. “Stan? Stanley Marsh to the nurse’s office immediately!”
Stan had just barely gotten back into the football game when he hear dhis name being called.
“That’s a new one Stan, being called to the nurses office instead of the principals or counselors office!” Kenny mumbled.
“Awh just when this game was getting good!” Stan cups his hands around his mouth and shouts back to Mr. Garrison. “I’M NOT SICK MR. GARRISON!”
“STANLEY MARSH YOU GO TO THE NURSES OFFICE RIGHT NOW OR I’LL SEND YOU TO THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE AND MAKE SURE YOU HAVE NO RECESS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS!”
“Aw Awwww, five minutes guys.”
Stan jogs across the playground in a show to Mr Garrison that he is fine, leaving Kyle standing next to Kenny.
“Better him than me Kenny, Nurse Gollum still freaks me out dude.”
Stan comes up to Mr. Garrison and an increasingly pissed off Wendy. “Mr. Garrison, I’m fine!”
“No whining, come on Stanley!”
Mr. Garrison grabs Stan by the jacket and drags him into the building, Wendy trailing behind. Mr. Garrison would of grabbed Wendy also to mover her along quicker but he didn’t want to touch her vomit covered jacket.
Nurse Gollum was a perfectly nice lady even if the giant fetus attached to her head held her back from getting close to anyone, sat behind her desk “doing paperwork” aka checking her facebook. She jumped up immediately, shutting her laptop when the three entered.
“Oh my goodness what happned here?”
“One of these little basta- eh children threw up on the other.”
Wendy stood, disgusted with her arms crossed, Stan held back, trying to avoid the embarrassing situation. Nurse Gollum was used to puke and gross stuff and took Wendy by the shoulder without hesitation.
“Come with me dear, we’ll find you a change of clothes at the front office. You young man, go lay down and I’ll be back to take your temperature and call your parents.”
“But I’m fine miss, really I am!”
“I think you should stay with him Mr. Garrison. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Nurse Gollum, I think Stan is perfectly okay watching himself, I have better things to do.”
“Mr. Garrison we have to be supportive role models as well as authority figures for our students, now if you don’t mind.”
Nurse Gollum takes Wendy by the hand and leads her out of the office. Mr. Garrison plopped down behind the nurse’s desk. The bottle under his desk would have to wait. Stan still stood in the doorway, trying not to be noticed.
“Lay down Stanley.”
“But I keep telling you I’m fine!”
“Oh for the love of god, just lay down! Authority figures my ass!”
Stan was defeated, he sighed and went over to the little cot, he sat at the edge, the eventually laid his head down, pulling his knees to his chest. Stan didn’t feel sick but he still felt BAD.
Mr. Garrison had opened Nurse Gollum’s laptop with some curiosity and was looking for something interesting and possibly erotically stimulating on that thing. The only thing so far was a picture on Nurse Gollum’s facebook in a low cut blouse. Mr. Garrison was half trying to decide if the school Nurse would be hotter without the dead fetus attached or was she more attractive because of the dead fetus. Mr. Garrison questioned himself and the freaky stuff he was into when he looked over at Stan looking so sad on the cot.
Ah, well Nurse Gollum didn’t have that great of a rack but she had told him to be supportive of their students.
“What’s wrong Stan? I know I’m your teacher, you can come to me with any problems you may have.”
The stupid list and the fact he could never do anything right for Wendy were running through Stan’s head. He looked over at his teacher. Stan didn’t trust any adults except for Chef and right now he missed poor Chef. He could try a Chef like question on Garrison and see how badly his teacher would screw it up.
Stan sat up and propped himself up on one elbow. “Mr. Garrison can I ask you a question? In my group of friends how do I stand out what makes me stand out among them?”
“I don't know Stanley, all the kids in my class all kind of blend together. I mean you all are special in your own way. I guess, that’s what you’re supposed to say in these situations, right?” Mr. Garrison turned his back to Stan and tried to focus more on Nurse Gollums friend list.
“My friend Kenny has the power of life and death and is knowledgeable about sex, my best friend Kyle is smart and honorable and full of this anger against Cartman the evil one who has done the worst possible things. Yet still Cartman can get away with it and is probably my second closest friend, don't let Kyle hear that. But in the group of four where do i stand out? I’m too selfish to be as moral as Kyle but still care too much to be as heartless as Cartman. My own mouth keeps getting me into trouble. When can I stand out on my own and not have some bullshit fuck it up?”
‘What about that girl?”
“Huh?”
“your little girlfriend Wendy? The one you just puked on and humiliated on the playground? Don’t you have her?”
[insert stan and garrison convo that I am stumped on]
Stan placed his head back on the cot, ego wounded, confidence defeated not physically ill however. God what was wrong with everyone employed at this school? He shut his eyes and a few minutes later was gently shaken awake by Nurse Gollum.
“Stanley you father is here to pick you up.”
“Where’s Wendy?”
“She’s perfectly fine and back on the playground dear.”
“Stan, staaaan? Are you okay son?”
“Yeah dad I’m not even sick.” Randy Marsh got in close to see his son, Stan could smell the alchol on his breath but didn’t want to speak up, the last thing he needed was his dad arrested on top of an already shitty day.
“put your coat and hat on and let’s go son.”
Stan sat up. “Dad!”
“What Stanley!”
“I…never take off my hat or jacket, most of the time.”
“Oh right right, let’s go.” Randy pointed to Nurse Gollum. “And be happy we don’t choose to sue the school over making my boy sick!”
“Dad Jesus Christ, I’m not sick!”
Randy took the collar of Stan’s jacket and pulled him out on the playground out into the parking lot. Stan could see Wendy, her hands over her face with Bebe and Red consoling her.
“I’m sorry Wendy!” Stan yelled across the playground.
Wendy looked up at him, left had raised in the air giving him the finger. He could see from across the playground what the school gave her to wear, an ugly knitted together sweater colored a shocking pink, a huge Christmas tree across the front.
Stan’s face turned the color of his girlfriend’s sweater as he got into his dad’s truck.
